You know all those movies about single girls in their 30s who hunt for the perfect career and the perfect man? Those kinds of movies that are fun to watch from a distance, but no one really wants to live in? Well, I'm in it. Though there are not as many brunches with perfect dressed girlfriends with successful careers, not as much money for extravagant shopping adventures, and not as many proposers (in the movies, there are always two, preferably one good and one bad, and at least one of them played by Hugh Grant).
I have many friends in my age. It's just that most people do not play in the same film. A while ago they switched the channel and now is the American family sitcoms with a laugh machine which lightens the mood, every four minutes. I sit a bit confused still with the remote in my hand and I slowly realize that they have gone to the other side of the screen, living the life I can only look at the glow of a flat screen. For they have done as you should, in real life. They have moved on. They have secured a steady job and a secure income. Fished up a partner. Possibly multiplied by the same. Determined to be us rather than me and myself.
Friendship's sort of by definition, secondary to the love. Not unimportant, but secondary. They found a higher purpose. It is always fascinating and compelling to watch. Just as the phenomenon of people who have children and explain that it is now life begins. Before the children they had nothing. And it does not matter how many movies about SATC Manolo heels in the desert to produce, for in reality, the single life no higher status than a couple entered cheap shoes from Wal-Mart.
Are you in marriage age and somehow still single there is a huge risk that we-people gets easily uncomfortable. If this perversion of the human family could get together and go into life, part two. So you did not have to feel guilty when you have other commitments and priorities that singles does not understand.
In defense you are lying about how good it is to be on your own. You try to make solitude to a status concept. And every single biological clock is still ticking ... No stress, they say. And yet it is just glass facades that threatens to crush from everyday asphalt. For the hand of the lonely heart it is a fact of life that most of us just want to be a part of just one of those couples who have other priorities. Which is perhaps a little jealous of the unbound single life, but at the end of the day they still are content to not be one of the lost souls. Who can see things clearly and at a safe distance from the pillow on the relative pedestal.
Who can get his life served with laughter intervals every four minutes.
I believe in love. And quantum physics. What goes around comes around.
When I was younger I wondered why all too often happened to me. In particular, I focused on all the negative events and experiences such as divorce, relationship problems and other troubles. Added another problem as I had only evidence of my negative theory, see! everything is just shit what ever I do! It made me depressed and sad too often, and above all, it took an enormous amount of my energy.
Now that I am thirty-four years old, I am more grateful than ever about all that happened to me over the years, good and bad. I'm trying to think of it as that I never had been enriched with all the life skills I carry on today, even though if I had to fight my way through some parts of my life. Fighting create gratitude, awareness and humility for myself and the people around me might be just as they are for a reason that I might not have a clue of before.
In the future it is important to never forget that. That it´s through my greatest trials I developed most as a human being. May I never forget this. I choose to see life in that way everything happens for a reason. For that life will get better and that I should learn more about myself and thus also become more humble towards my fellow human beings.
In my book called God wears lipstick, there is a sense that I try to live by every day:
"Never expect anything from anyone before you Have given it yourself."
Never expect anything in life unless you are willing to first give it yourself. Positive begets positive and negative begets negative. There we have the essence of quantum physics.
♥
Love from family, friends and animals means a lot to me. It is like the glue that holds together everything in life. The romantic love of a man not only makes me rosy cheeked but also harmonious. But the harmony of myself does not stand or fall in the absence of a romantic love relationship.
I was six years old and had just started kindergarten. I had never understood this thing about being in love with someone before. Oh heck of childish boys! Until I got to know Robert in my class. True, he was a boy but a very special one. He had curly hair. He used to pull my hair and he was the only one that I allowed to do that without my protest. When we played girl and-boy-hunting out on the playground, I loved to chase him and he me. Until one day I said to Robert before we were going home that I heart him. Well, he said as he put on his backpack Solomon and so he ran away to his waiting male friends.
After that Robert did not pull my hair. He did not chased me, not even during our games anymore. Even so, I thought nothing of his reaction. I was probably too young to analyze the whole thing apart. But one afternoon during break, Roberts big brother came with some tough guy friends at the playground. We girls jumped rope as he called out asking who heart his little brother! The moment he said it, I was just as petrified. My heart was beating like crazy and my cheeks were becoming increasingly redder. Who among you is she, he said and laughed. When he declared that she did wear glasses I was about to die of shame. Just when I thought the race was run the bell rang and everyone rushed in again. That's what I did with glowing cheeks.
Pre-school year went by and I forgot about the whole thing. I started first grade at another school and got new classmates. At our graduation, it was decided that we would celebrate with another school. So, when I sit on the bench with my nice new pink clothes that mom sewed and freshly picked flowers in my hands so I suddenly hear someone shouting, Linda! Lindaaaaaaaa! and when I turned around to see who it is, so I saw Robert's happy face. I was sinking through the earth. I mumbled a quiet hello and stared at the ground. Blushing.
Right after that my grandfather said to me that I should look into the camera and Click! there you have the image in post. A seven-years old Linda who just wants to disappear from the earth's surface, as she has just suffered her first love.
