There are obvious things that makes me upset. I think of big things like war, injustice, abuse of power and violence in all forms, especially the vulnerable such as children and animals. But if I concentrate on the personal level, there's something I really hate like the plague. What I think of is envy.
Envy is mentioned as one of the seven deadly sins. It's really not so surprising that many of mankind horrible actions often are rooted in envy of all kinds. You probably agree with me on that. But - when it comes to the personal level, I think probably all of us have ever suffered from envy or jealousy. I have sometimes suffered from streaks of it and it gives and does not create any positive feelings or bring any happiness in life. On the contrary, the more you caves down in this you more unhappier you become.
"There is a special place in hell for women who do not help each other."
- The winged words are Madeleine Albrights America's first female foreign minister. One can only hope she is right. One can also hope for the opposite. A special place in heaven for women who help each other would be, the more pleasant.
I myself have been involved in female co-workers or friends felt threatened by me. Why me, I do not really understand. Most of them who really knows me, knows that I'd rather be in the background and hates to be seen and heard too much. I am quite shy of me, especially when it comes to unfamiliar social situations or new people.
On one occasion I was hired with another girl to the same job that was initially only ment for one person. The boss said with a little teasing tone that we could compete with each other. I took it all with calm. If it wasen´t for the other girl who took it all very or too much seriously. She drove the whole range of dirty tricks and as soon as I had success with things you more green with envy, she was. It ended sadly when I gave up because I could not handle her. Now I was very young at the time and if it have been today I would probably have stayed and given her a real fight.When it comes to love relationships, there is no relationship more destroying than jealousy. Being jealous of your boyfriends female friends is a classic trap. And - yes, I have been in the degrading situation myself. But I have because of my experience, decided to stop thinking so negatively about myself and others. For what I send out will return to me. I send out love and positive thoughts about myself and I'll reap the rewards of that too.
I believe in love. And quantum physics. What goes around comes around.
When I was younger I wondered why all too often happened to me. In particular, I focused on all the negative events and experiences such as divorce, relationship problems and other troubles. Added another problem as I had only evidence of my negative theory, see! everything is just shit what ever I do! It made me depressed and sad too often, and above all, it took an enormous amount of my energy.
Now that I am thirty-four years old, I am more grateful than ever about all that happened to me over the years, good and bad. I'm trying to think of it as that I never had been enriched with all the life skills I carry on today, even though if I had to fight my way through some parts of my life. Fighting create gratitude, awareness and humility for myself and the people around me might be just as they are for a reason that I might not have a clue of before.
In the future it is important to never forget that. That it´s through my greatest trials I developed most as a human being. May I never forget this. I choose to see life in that way everything happens for a reason. For that life will get better and that I should learn more about myself and thus also become more humble towards my fellow human beings.
In my book called God wears lipstick, there is a sense that I try to live by every day:
"Never expect anything from anyone before you Have given it yourself."
Never expect anything in life unless you are willing to first give it yourself. Positive begets positive and negative begets negative. There we have the essence of quantum physics.
♥
The woman looked up at me with a light flickering and nervous eyes, snatched her knitted hat on the chair and went against me. She limped slightly, and I saw that her coarsed face had been through a lot.
- Yikes, she exclaimed suddenly, with a clear Finnish accent and I could smell a slight alcohol scent around her.
I smiled warmly at her and took her hand, which was rough as sandpaper.
- Hello! My name is Linda and dental assistant and you know what? I say the same when I go to the dentist.
She laughed and looked at me with big eyes, surprised.
- Damn, what a relief that I´m not alone! I drunk a big glass of alcohol this morning cause I wated to calm my nerves.
When we got into the treatment room, she threw her snuff pouch in the bin, took off the red worn down jacket and sat in the patient's chair.
I felt a twinge of nervousness in my stomach, trying to repress feelings of uncertainty for this first visit. While I washed my hands, I took a deep breath and cleared my throat.
- The dentist will be here soon. I just wanted to go through a few simple questions with you if it's OK?
- Well .... she said as she took a sip of it laid out water cups.
I sat down with her journal and began to ask for her data such as name, number and home address. Things that many of us are not so worried about, but the woman who sat in front of me, she found to difficult to answer.
- Well .... She squinted her eyes and stared at her worn and dirty trainers. I ... shit. I have not had a permanent home for many many years she finally said.
-I understand I said.
-But I sometimes I have contact with my doctor in Stockholm. I have had a wound on my foot that will not heal properly so I go to him sometimes.
I nodded and listened to her attentively.
- Are you getting any help from the social services, I asked.
The woman drew a long sigh and shook her head.
- I do not want those people i my life since they took my children. She looked me straight in the eyes to see how I reacted. Damn these bastards! she cried suddenly.
I winced a little, I almost dropped the journal and said without hesitation:
- Kirsti, now you are here with us, we will be able to help you with your problems with your teeth. Our dentist Patricia is a warm and professional human being to help people in your situation with their dental problems.
She looked at me and said she knows several friends who have been helped by Patricia and they become completely different people. They do not need to hide their smile anymore. That's why I'm here, she emphasized. I want to quit the booze and all the shit she said with tears in her voice.
I took her hand and promised her that she will be able to smile again without any embarrassment.
Soulmate is probably a better word for best friend. Or why not in Swedish, twin soul. Someone who understands what you say before you even said so. Someone who comforts you when you need it. Someone who says you will do just as you are. Someone to laugh with when life feels like hell.
I have been wondering for a couple of days on my best friend. It has really evolved over who is my best friend. Had you asked me when I was nine years old with braces, I had told Linda E because she was so kind and sweet. Would you have asked me when I was nineteen, I'd say, Karen. This crazy Icelandic girl who was my complete opposite, loud, impulsive and redhead. If you asked me like that eight years ago, I probably answered my husband as I was then married, and this summer I had no doubt mention my dog Charlie as my best friend. In other words, it has varied over the years.
Today I have learned one thing and that is to be glued to those who may concern, proving, lift me up. I collect people who do not disappear even when the wind is blowing. They are the ones who remains that means everything. When I was a bit lost in life for a few years ago, a male friend stodd by my side, that means a lot to me. Although we are very different so there he remained with me and listened to me many tear-drenched nights through. I am so grateful for him and he keeps me hard in.
There are also a handful of friends around me that I hold dear. The wonderful thing about them is enough that you can always call and talk to or meet at any time. and then no debt-laden issues - Well, that was indeed long time since we heard from you .. etc.
Since next year will mean a lot of changes in my life when I start a new job and hopefully in the course in Stockholm next fall so I'm looking forward to seeing more exciting new people and forge new ties as well as revisit some old contacts there up.
Love from family, friends and animals means a lot to me. It is like the glue that holds together everything in life. The romantic love of a man not only makes me rosy cheeked but also harmonious. But the harmony of myself does not stand or fall in the absence of a romantic love relationship.
Homemade pizza! And probably Ben & Jerry´s Fairly nuts tonight cause it´s so hot outside today ;-)
My father was born in 1951 and works at Sweden's largest bank Nordea. My mother, born a year after my father, is a nurse. They both mean a lot to me and I have a very good and close relationship with them.
Mom and dad were born and raised in Gothenburg in Sweden. For about six years ago they bought a house in the country after many years in the big city. They love it there even though it means two hours of commuting to and from work every day. Mom has her horse boarded at the neighbor across the road which she thinks is wonderful. To ride and care for her horse is the best she knows. Dad has a great interest in music, especially classical music. In younger years he played piano for a professor and had dreams to become a professional pianist. But then came another in the way but he kept the piano-playing on a hobby instead. I remember very well all the times he played at weddings and funerals during my childhood. Today he is busy working and taking care of the house and the large garden of 4000 sqm.
Mom and dad met for the very first time in the early 1970's. My mom was married at the time but after a few years they became a couple and married 1975. Dad quickly noticed mom and quickly became fond of her. Mom remembers so well that she took a liking to my father after a while. He had a wonderful twinkle in his eyes. 1977 I was born and 15 months later my little sister.
When I was five, so mom opened a fabric store with a friend. Her friend also had children in exactly the same age as me and my sister. So every other day mom was working in the shop and then took her friend care for all of us children. And so they took turns on. Mom has always had a keen interest in fashion and fabric store went out really good. They also sewed up some pieces and sold. After five years her friend became pregnant with a third child and wanted to wind down and stop. Mom and she chose to sell it instead. She saddled and worked as a childminder for a few years ago to study further to become a nurse.
My parents are not perfect. There are obviously some things that they might now want to do again. My dad for example should had been a little more with us children when we were young. But I think most parents feel that. But I think today they really did their best given certain circumstances. I've always been a bit of a daddy's girl while my little sister suggested a lot to om. In adolescence, it squeaked a bit between me and mom but there are things that are forgotten today. We have talked about the difficult things and moved on. It is most important. That you can talk about the difficult things that might weigh one's heart, it is extremely important. Life is sometimes like a rollercoaster. In tough times, assistance from family, the finest available.
We traveled a lot during my childhood. I have wonderful memories of the very first overseas trip to Portugal, where I also learned how to swim. Excitement of big cities such as Barcelona, Vienna, Paris and London. Thanks Mom & Dad for being there! I love you with all my ♥
I was six years old and had just started kindergarten. I had never understood this thing about being in love with someone before. Oh heck of childish boys! Until I got to know Robert in my class. True, he was a boy but a very special one. He had curly hair. He used to pull my hair and he was the only one that I allowed to do that without my protest. When we played girl and-boy-hunting out on the playground, I loved to chase him and he me. Until one day I said to Robert before we were going home that I heart him. Well, he said as he put on his backpack Solomon and so he ran away to his waiting male friends.
After that Robert did not pull my hair. He did not chased me, not even during our games anymore. Even so, I thought nothing of his reaction. I was probably too young to analyze the whole thing apart. But one afternoon during break, Roberts big brother came with some tough guy friends at the playground. We girls jumped rope as he called out asking who heart his little brother! The moment he said it, I was just as petrified. My heart was beating like crazy and my cheeks were becoming increasingly redder. Who among you is she, he said and laughed. When he declared that she did wear glasses I was about to die of shame. Just when I thought the race was run the bell rang and everyone rushed in again. That's what I did with glowing cheeks.
Pre-school year went by and I forgot about the whole thing. I started first grade at another school and got new classmates. At our graduation, it was decided that we would celebrate with another school. So, when I sit on the bench with my nice new pink clothes that mom sewed and freshly picked flowers in my hands so I suddenly hear someone shouting, Linda! Lindaaaaaaaa! and when I turned around to see who it is, so I saw Robert's happy face. I was sinking through the earth. I mumbled a quiet hello and stared at the ground. Blushing.
Right after that my grandfather said to me that I should look into the camera and Click! there you have the image in post. A seven-years old Linda who just wants to disappear from the earth's surface, as she has just suffered her first love.
